I awoke this morning, my things-to-do list screaming at me from my bedside table, and as I tried to work out the most necessary to-dos of the day I suddenly stopped. A thought struck me and I literally remained half-dressed in the middle of the kitchen, just thinking. I had stopped dreaming. Yes, it had actually happened. Now, I don't mean the dreams we have at night, where our subconscious clicks into overdrive, but dreams, real dreams...lifelong ambitions, inner desires, mountains to climb. I had stopped dreaming and I had only just realized.
My thoughts turned to the reasoning of it. Had my life just turned into what seemed like a journey from one bill to the other? Had the meaning of life come and gone without me seeing it? I desperately tried to work out what had gone wrong and when. I looked back on my life, to find a solution. When was the last time I had thought "Now that's a place I have to visit" or "That's where I'll be in 5 years" or even "That's an idea for a weekend meal." Nothing. My mind was blank. In a matter of moments I discovered that I couldn't remember the last time my mind wandered to what I would like it to be. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was one of disgust as I turned over the facts in my head. I had become a walking ATM...digesting the bills and churning out the money. Nothing more...nothing less.
I remember a time when I wanted to travel, to own a travel consultancy, to spend the day talking to people, seeing new faces. I remember when I started writing a book, nurturing every word, embracing every idea. I even remember drawing sketches of what my house would be like (when I built it). Now, the drive into town is a tedious journey, talking to people seems pointless and my book, well I'll finish it one day. The sketch of the house still looks upon me whenever I open my files in search of something.
Dreaming was once a part of life, and this morning I regretted, for the first time in my life, having lost something. I had lost the only part of me that made the days so much nicer. I had lost my dreams. How do I get them back? I have no idea, and no time to find a solution. So, as my day began, I knew that it would be worse than I could have imagined. Never stop dreaming!!!
