Paradise

One thing I remember as a child was that every time I came to Greece, or went to Cyprus (my mother's home) I would always leave in tears. Mum and Dad must have thought I was crazy, as the tears rolled down my cheeks and I stared out of the plane window, hoping that something would happen to give me one more day in, what I considered to be, paradise. Thinking back, I still have a knot in my stomach, and I presume that was one of the reasons I moved here after University. Everything seemed so different when I was young, the sounds, the smells, the fun, the people. It even took me days to recover from my holiday...sitting in my room overlooking Barry docks, the grey cloudy sky would only remind me that I did not fit in, that something was dreadfully wrong with the world, but deep inside I knew. I knew that my parents wanted something better for my brother and I. I knew that their hearts had broken, long before mine had even come to existence. I knew that they had given up their homes just to give us chances...but knowing just did not seem to make things any better. It just made the pain less intense. So the feeling just became a part of me. Fitting in has also become a part of me, but living in a country with so many problems, makes it so much harder. My Greek is still not as good as I want it to be, but I am considered a native speaker, although a slight difference in my accent sometimes gives me away. I like it though...I like being someone who has lived with a Tescos , M & S, McDonald's just around the corner. I like having gone to schools where the guiding hands of teachers seemed to bring out the best. I like having an air of "the outsider" but these things have also become past thoughts. Living here is like stepping back in time. Hypermarkets have just been discovered, monopolies are just beginning to lose ground, education has still to see the light of day, bribery is a part of everyday life, and "what you know" is a lesser desired attribute. However, I still feel the need to overcome anything put in my way, and face difficulties as they come, although forward thinking is a great weapon. Each day ideas come to mind, and challenges pop up, so life is less than boring. But waking up into a world where things are so laid back that even sunbeds seem to be working more than people, I do tend to wonder....is this really where I am supposed to be....