Thursday, May 28, 2009

My toothbrush and I

I recently completed a Facebook survey, which was quite enlightening. It was a tarot card survey, something like "Which Tarot Card are you ?". (Yes I do find time to pop into facebook now and again). Anyway, the Tarot cards say I am The World. I must admit it gave me a curious feeling of power at that moment. The World !!! The thought, however, took me back to a time when my dreams actually meant something, and I really did believe that they could come true. As a child, not that I have changed very much, I believed in so many things and had so many dreams, that made the world seem such a beautiful place. The open doors seemed endless, and anywhere could be a destination, as long as I was me. All I needed was my free spirit and my toothbrush - or so I believed. Growing up, though, in a Greek family, in a foreign country slowly diminished my dreams, and life seemed to become just an endless routine - make money, pay the bills, make more money, pay more bills, and that is just how it has become. I am now reaching a point in my life where I feel that somehow, somewhere I lost my dreams, and therefore I lost me . Family commitments, problems day in day out, inhibitions have all become a part of me that are not really me. Waking up this morning, I looked in the mirror and to my dismay I found that I did not recognise the face that was gazing back. A tired looking woman was staring at me and all I could do was let a few teardrops fall. I wondered if this really is all life is about - chasing a pot of gold, that in reality I will never have, as I was never meant to have it.

My thoughts have now turned to introspective dilemmas, and a blanket of insecurity has seemed to have appeared on my once very secure shoulders. Nobody seems to understand, and let's face it, why should they. I also found myself wondering why on earth I seem to care so much about others. Why do I spend so much of my time talking to people, listening to problems and solving them if I can, trying to put a smile on people's faces? When it comes down to it - nobody actually really cares. Caught up in their own little worlds they just forget. That's all. They just forget. It's a human thing, something that cannot be changed. So, why do I refuse to change? I could just become meaner, nastier, thinking only of me. But I can't.

These were my morning thoughts. Not that anything has changed during the course of the day, nor will it change over the months or the years. My need to find my dreams again, though, is becoming much stronger, and the urge to escape from my days is sometimes more than unbearable.

My dreams, my toothbrush and I - and the world could be my oyster !!!!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are not alone!!!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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